I'm a douchebag

If I were male a lot of the things I do would categorize me as a douchebag or asshole. But since I'm a female a lot of the same circumstances make me seem 'hilarious' or 'so cool' or 'unique.' Seems like males are starting to get the short end of the stick these days

2 inches!

i've lost 2 inches in my thighs and hips since last week! 1 inch off my waist and i'm not on clenbuterol or coffee :) woohoo!! these workouts have been paying off!!

bad boys

aren't guys the ones with the reputation of being bad for the dirty thoughts that run thru their heads? i don't know if this is the first life i've ever lived as a female or what but i have a feeling i have as many bad thoughts as most male species do.

if i was a guy i would have been called a douchebag a long time ago. that's without changing anything about anything i do except consider my gender.

old flames die hard

i had coffee with an ex today. although we aren't together and i have no intention of getting back together with him i still love him. it was so good to see him and see that smile and twinkle in his eye. old flames die hard.

i wonder if i have anything in the spank bank pertaining to this subject.

my trainer

is killing me. my muscles are sooooo aching. i think i lost 100lbs in today's hourlong workout. oi vey. someone help. why do i subject myself to this voluntarily?

31 flavors.

I got an eye infection a few days ago so I can't wear my contacts for 5 days while I put drops in my eyes. If it weren't for the eye infection I would never have even thought to coordinate my glasses with my outfit. I've never gone for the intellectual look at a night club before. Man were my glasses a hit. I had two handsome modelss fighting to dance with me all night at sky bar tonight. Life is just soo good when you have an eye infection. LOL

homosexuality

wow. my trainer and i worked out at a beefy gym in west hollywood. the men there are the most handsome, in shape, shaven and friendly men i have ever seen. i was drooling. that's not the point of this blog. sorry. i got distracted--

i saw an actor in there that i recognized. i don't know his name but he's one of those actors that if there's a prison yard scene in a tv show this actor is in there playing an inmate. he is bald, big build, tatoos..... but that's only the character he plays. he was working out at that specific gym and it turns out he's gay! wow, that's so crazy that he plays such a douchebag tough guy on tv.

manipulation

I had no idea I could be so manipulative. I was telling my girl friend how to end each scentence in a conversation in a way to get the other person to nod their head. It was a sales technique I learned that I never realized I used in everyday life until I just pointed it out to her. Wow. I'm bad :)

rock climbing

ow. my personal trainer and i went hiking today. he climbed the rock for fun and although i could have continued hiking i decided to climb the rock. it was high! i haven't been rock climbing in ages. and never without a harness and a spotter. i free formed rock climbing and it was crazy. everytime i reached for a rock, it crumbled underneath my hand. the rock moved! it was crazy. my entire body is scratched up from the rock but hell yes it was worth it!

Disneyland

I am in love with my little sisters. They are the most amazing and beautiful little girls I have ever met. I am so proud and in love with those girls it's rediculous.

mansion party

Some model rented out a mansion in the hollywood hills complete with limo service from the arclight to the mansion. I didn't know him personally but I said hello and happy birthday to him when I met him. Lol- I met so many people it was rediculous! Fun, fun times.

When I got home at 4:30am, I didn't even make it halfway thru the courtyard. I guess my mom heard my heels on the concrete. She had already opened the door to my apartment to let me in. Had she been waiting up for me? Maybe. Is it annoying? Yes. But it got me thinking. As annoying as it is to be a grown woman (of 22) with my own apartment I turned out ok. More then ok. And annoying mom habits of overprotectiveness really sculpted my moral system and habits I have. I think this last paragraph was almost a thanku. I haven't matured THAT far yet. But I do recognize all this stuff that annoyed me in high school is not as bad as i thought.

Parental visits

Before I went to pick up my mom from the airport I grabbed a bag and stuck all my playboy magazines in it, a game of strip poker, the condoms I forgot I owned, and the pipe I keep in my freezer and put that bag into storage.

I pretty much cleaned my apartment to a PG level. It's amazing! I feel like a virgin again.

my milkshake brings out the hot boys

Kidding. I meant to say the sun brings out all the hot boys! (I don't have a milkshake nor do I have any interest in consuming any liquidated dairy products in the near future)

I have this idiotic habit of not grabbing a cart or a basket when I go grocery shopping. I'm continuously disillusioned at how many items I end up getting. I went to the store for tea only but I ended up with two armfulls of innocuous items. Naturally I was fine until I stood in line. Everything fell out of my arms and onto the floor. It was almost like a scene from a movie. I went to go get a basket and when I returned the most tall, young, handsome blue eyed smiley stranger picked up every single one of my items. With a huge grin on his face. I could have helped him pick up the items but to be honest it was fun watching him bend down and one by one and pick up my items and place it in my cart. That's what I'm talking about! I love grocery shopping!

unsalted almonds

I was at Trader Joe's earlier today in the dried fruits and nuts aisle when a tall, brown hair, brown eyed surfer/ model type walked up, smiled and stood next to me. I had a hilarious thought enter my mind. What if I held up a bag and asked him, "so..what do you know about nuts?"

hahahahaha. one more for the spank bag

my personal trainer

I can't believe that I used to be a personal trainer and now I actually have one. Atleast he's smokin hot and motivates me to wake up at 8am. (from a distance, he doesn't physically wake me up) He said he was impressed with my form and can't wait to show off the fact that he gets to train me to his friends at the gym. His baby blues and buff bod will probaly only motivate me for the rest of this week. Next week after the novelty of his good looks wears off I'm going to hate his muscular guts for the next 10 weeks.

marketing for the man

I made the vow to stop being close friends with Lacy* on Sunday. Last Wed I promised her I'd go with her today to a doctor friend of ours who specializes in sports medicine. He wanted to ask us to help him market his business.

There is a lot of money to be made from marketing his office. I will definatly put in the time to help him out and we agreed on spending atleast 10hrs a week marketing his business.

It got me thinking. If I'm spending 10hrs marketing someone else's business I better match that and spend atleast 10 hrs marketing my buisness. Myself, the actor. I'm not going to waiver on that. I refuse to spend more time on someone else's business then mine. I might as well go home and give up acting if I'm not going to give it all I got.

Day 1 of my workout regimin

I called my best friends in the morning at 9:30 to motivate me to get out of bed. I actually went to runyon canyon for 2 hours. I looked at everyone's dog lovingly and I thought to myself, "oh wow I'm like a desperate expectant mother." The type I roll my eyes at. Ok, I'm snapping out of it. I watched my diet today too. I had a good first day.

Yorktese

I tried pretty hard to get a dog today. I'm too impulsive. It's not a good thing. But seriously, look at these cute little dogs. How could I not try? I called them all, set up appointments to go see them but one got sold, one person didn't get back to me and one person had something they had to do at the time I was available so we had to rescheduale. Also a friend of mine from high school called me to say hello and to tell me to wait before getting a dog. It's like the universe's way of telling me not to get one 5 times. I'm glad it did because honestly I don't think it's as good of an idea as it seems.

CFNM Party

CFNM stands for "clothed female/ naked male" party. How wierd is that! Wierdly awesome!!!!!!!!!! So basically it reverses the roles. At the party men are required to be unclothed and women have to keep their clothes on. It makes the man the eye candy and the women to be the ones in "power". I can't wait to see how women react. Anyone ever heard of the rumors surround Catherine the Great's sex drive? She would have all the men in Russia come to her place every night, she'd pick one to bed that night and kill the rest of them. Then she would kill him in the morning to keep her secret nymphomania a secret. Not to mention dying while trying to satisfy herself with a horse. That's why the woman to man ratio is 4:1 in Russia. See what happens when a woman is in power? I have this theory that women and men are no different. Men always get in trouble for "cheating" or having a wandering eye...but honestly? Are women really that innocent? Or are women just better at keeping secrets? I am flabbergasted. They have to turn down the men that want to attend this event because there are too many that want to go. Lol WOW. The moderator of the event and I are chatting at the moment and he just sent me a few photos of some male actors and models that just signed up. Woo hoo!!! This is going to be awesome!!!!

Spam Text

I got a spam text today. It was from some email account (that I don't recognize) that sent me a text to my phone. When I clicked on the link in the text it took me to a website selling viagra. I am not impotent!! I can't believe they found a way to text me spam. I'm not ok with that. Grrrrr!

Idiots!

My idiot friend Lacy* is not going to be a friend anymore. I'm putting her in my "aquaintances" file. I do not want to be associated with this type of person. I got invited to a BBQ at an agent (at a pretty big agency)'s house. That's huge. When you meet industry people in private settings like BBQ's instead of parties where they're paid to appear they are more receptive to forming a business friendship with a new actor. And as you all know, it's all about who you know in Hollywood.

Well guess what? Lacy noncholantly asked the agent, "Why is it that me, Sarah and your roommate are the only people here who aren't black?" My jaw dropped to the ground. When he left I told her, "You can't ask those kinds of questions." She said, "oh, I don't give a fuck. I say what I want."

I told her, "You can say what you want elsewhere but not when you're my plus one on my invite at a place where I'm trying to make a good impression on some industry contacts." I mean, would you seriously throw your friend under the bus like that? That's selfish and inconsiderate. And she's an idiot if she doesn't recognize what she's doing.

"Guilty by association" is a term that applies here. I don't want to be associated with that type of intelligence level. And if she doesn't care about anyone more then herself it's not going to work. This is the icing on the cake. There have been a zillion other incidents.

Sigh. Back to not having any close female friends here in Hollywood. But no friend is better then one that shuts my doors before I even get to them. The industry is hard enough without someone who can't support me. I miss having best female friends who are non idiots :(

Sugar Daddy

I got invited to a really big management company's launch party. It was a big deal. I met a few casting directors and academy award winning directors there. I brought my friend Lacy* to the party because she lives 3 doors down from me. It was a fantastic networking opportunity for me. I was hanging out with the owner of the management company and saw my friend Lacy* (young 24 year old lady) exchange numbers with the owner of the management company (45-50ish out of shape, bald, older man). I didn't think much of it. Making connections is a good thing. When he was out of earshot she smiled at me and said, "He's going to be so easy. I'm going to lead him on and use him as a sugar daddy for as long as I can!"

I asked her not to do that. I explained, "You are here as my plus one. If you screw him over badly, who knows? He could get so angry he could blackball my name in Hollywood and I could never work again!" She laughed and said, "He doesn't know that many people in Hollywood." But that wasn't the point now was it?

She ignored my request. That is not someone that deserves to go to these types of parties.

Brunette Again

Being brunette bores me. But being blonde is way too much upkeep. Oh man I'm not used to being brunette. I wanted to play with my hair color to see which one works for me. Being brunette looks more natural and will probaly book me more acting work but it's BOOOORING!! I need to buy a blonde wig.

Aggressive Lesbian

I must be giving out the lesbian vibe lately or something. I've been getting hit on a lot by the ladies. This is the most aggressively in a while!

A lady named Vivian* was hanging out with the birthday girl so we were hanging out in the same circle. The moment I walked in she pointed at me and said, "This girl is my definition of smokin hot." That was obviously a way to flatter me and let me know she was interested. That's cool. I made a mental note to size her up subtly over the next few hours when she's not looking. There was no hurry. We'd be there all night right? At this point my interest was piqued. She was decently attractive. She was one of those where her personality would add a few points.

BAM! She came on so aggressively and so fast it was the biggest turn off ever. She stared at me a lot. (Which is ok. I'm used to people studying my face to figure out my nationalities). She gave me her number, then came the annoying part where she agreed with everything I said. She then tried to probe about my sex life. Even if I had a sex life I don't talk about it. Let alone with a stranger at a bar. I'm not into sleeping with someone I just met at a bar that night. I'm not going to lie. Sex with a stranger is definatly in my top 3 fantasies of all time but in real life it's not very safe and the consequences of that worry me.

A few guys came up to me, chatted with me for a bit and gave me their numbers. Each time a guy came up to me she stared at him with searing rays of hate shooting out of her eyes at him. I'm talking daggers. Regardless of if I'm interested or not I have the right to respond to someone who starts a conversation with me. After the 2nd guy gave me his number he shook her hand to say bye assuming she was just a friend I was hanging out with at the bar but she took the oppurtunity to pull a "girl" trick. She screamed in pain and said, "you need to stop grabbing me. My boyfriend will be here soon." He tried to apologize at the misunderstanding (very polite guy) but she wouldn't give him the time of day and she ran and stood behind me as if I was going to protect her.

She asked for my number after that and I told her, "I have your number already, don't worry." I had to leave the bar after that. It was too much. As I threw out the numbers I got that night I noticed on her card she gave me every possible way to contact her. Cell #, work #, email and myspace.

Where are the men?

Where have all the men gone? What ever happened to manly men? I am just now re-entering the dating scene. The last time I dated was about 3 years ago. Has the game really changed that much? I have never had so many guys give me their numbers instead of asking me for mine. If I do call them, they jokingly complain about how they have been dying for me to call them (some even get mad at the fact that it took so long for me to call) when they are just as capable of dialing my number as I am theirs.

These days guys are getting mad at me for not calling, they want to stay on the phone longer then I want to talk, "accidently leaving" a pair of sunglasses at my place after coffee so they'd have an excuse to see me again....uhhhh seriously? And these guys aren't good at taking charge and picking a damn restaurant for us to go to for dinner. What's the point of being so wishy washy?

..oh!!! and the talking. I have never heard so much talking from the male gender before in my life! They have an opinion on everything!!!!

I need a new manager.

I finally killed a fruit fly that has lived in my apartment for the past 15 days. I have left my doors and windows open with food outside my door to get him to fly outside. I've invited and begged him outside, tried to trap him in various objects to bring him outside but nothing worked. I just smushed him though. No more fruit flies in my apartment!

I don't want to work with Davis* anymore. He is not going to get me anywhere acting wise. He's all talk. I don't want someone that talks as much as he does representing me. Plus he's pretty much ALL talk. He doesn't seem to be able to get me any work.

I can't believe it's been this hard to find a manager! I just want to find someone who has the same drive I do and wants as big of a career as I do! Arrrgh! No one actually wants to work.

No more social networking

I deleted my Myspace, Facebook and other social networking sites I was on. I have a lot of free time on my hands now. I waste a lot of time on those sites. I should be working on my acting, not updating my status every hour.

I'm bored. I have no pages to update or bullitens to read. What am I going to do?

The Least Practical Outfit Ever

Hands down this is the most idiotic outfit ever. I'm wearing a coat, a hat and scarf for the cold and I'm wearing short shorts and open toed heels. I love Los Angeles, land of where outfits like this are possible.

Jumping the gun

Davis* talks a lot. I'm not a very loquacious person. Especially when it comes to business. I do not try to make friends with anyone I have working for me and it sounds like he wants to be friends. Also I've noticed in my lifetime that when people talk a lot it's because they have nothing to show. It's only been a few days so I'm not going to jump the gun yet but he may not be the right manager for me. I can already tell.

New Manager?

I'm excited!!! I met with Davis* the manager that I met at the Oscar Party. He's excited to work with me and so far he has kept it pretty professional. Let's see if we can make things happen!! He's a scorpio. I've been looking for a scorpio manager! I told him I'd give him 2 weeks to see if he can get me work. Let's see how things go!

Oscar Party

I was approached by a manager who wants to represent me. Woo hoo!!!! I need a new one!

I think Willie Nelson tried to feel me up when we were posing for a picture. He was a high as a kite.

I gotta find out where the pictures from the red carpet of the party were posted online. I can't find them on Wire Image or anything, but that could be because I don't know the name of that club in beverly hills. I just know it's on the corner of that little side santa monica blvd road and something else close to the western side of the street. Yeah........I'm really bad with names. Those pics are probaly lost. Grrrreaaaat.

3 dates, 2 days

Don't ever do the online dating thing!!! I was right! 6' athletic means 5'10 1/2, ex athlete with ex-girlfriend issues.

Another person I met brought a gun on our date. He was a cop. But why on earth would you bring a gun on a date? Ok, now let's say you felt it was seriously necessary to bring a gun on a date....why would u show me your gun? That was a pure show off move. I'm already on a date with you. Why do you have to bring props to impress me?

Another person is a lot older then his pictures. Those need to be updated. This is unbelievable. I am an actress so I do lie about my age. I am 2 years older then the age I tell people I am. The entire date this guy kept saying, "now I know you're only (insert the age I told him here) but let me tell you....." It was the most idiotic thing I had ever heard. Is he seriously going to pull the "I'm the cool older guy" act? I'm not in middle school anymore.

I just deleted my profile. I'm never dating online again.

Mom's Birthday

I flew to Arizona to have dinner with my mom for her birthday and flew back home to LA. Wow modern day transportation is amazing. I was in 2 states yesterday! Can you imagine how long that would have taken 200 years ago? It was so quick it allotted me time to only stay there for a few hours. Can u imagine if we were pilgrams and it took 3 months to go to AZ? I would make the most of my stay and stay for like 3 weeks before going home. But seriously, I love my mom but 3 weeks with her and I'll be ripping out my hair. Woo for planes.

Online Dating

I don't do the online personals thing because a) I have no time to date b) I don't want to invest time in dating and c) meeting people online scares me. I mean hey, if I'm 1 inch taller and 3 lbs lighter online what exactly does 6' athletic really mean?

My friend Lacy* has been telling me she met some awesome people on Yahoo Personals for the past few months. The moment I set up an account my mailbox was too full for me to respond to all the mail I got. I was going to delete my account but instead I just didn't log into my mailbox for 2 weeks. When I logged on to delete my account I decided to respond to the messages from people who wrote to me twice. I've met a few cool people. I'm not super excited to meet any of them and have been dodging the "let's hang out" invites. I've narrowed it down to about 4 people who I may meet outside of the computer one of these days. I'm just not motivated to meet any of them.

Valentine's Day

This is my first Valentine's day alone in a really long time. Wooohooo!!!!!! So many girls complain about not having a date or about being alone today but I don't understand why. My neighbor Lacy* told me she was sad that she was alone on Valentines but I said, "why? It's just another day! It doesn't have to be a bad day just because it falls on the 14th and because you're alone. You were alone yesterday. And you'll be by yourself on the 17th so why be sad?" She said, "because I don't feel loved!"

I responded, "but you got 100 roses from your boyfriend and a bouquet of flowers from your sugar daddy mailed to you, and you got phone calls from all the guys you're cheating on your boyfriend with."

She said, "yeah, but you got asked out on a few dates but I don't have anyone to go to dinner with."

I said, "I turned all those dinner dates down. I'm not interested in spending time with anyone but the person I love the most. Me!!"

Yeah. I don't understand people like that. I bought myself roses this year :) And I couldn't be happier. I mean, who loves me more then myself? Seriously! :) :) Happy Valentine's Day!

date for saturday?

Danny* asked me to be his Valentine's date on Saturday. Ughhhh......... not that I wouldn't like to go out with him on a date, it's just......on Valentine's day? Why that day? Can't we go out on Sunday? or Friday? or any day but? Valentine's day is a day of love. I honestly feel really awkward going on a first date with someone on Valentines's Day. He asked me for my address so he could send me flowers. That's kind of too much. I'm a little uncomfortable.